Auburn Visit

Sparky and I went on another trip up to Auburn to see his parents. It was nice and relaxing. The puppies stayed with grandma and grandpa Smith here in town so Sparky and I could get a little break and travel more.

We got to Auburn and hung around for about a day. Sparky's mom took me to the Christian bookstore down the street and bought me couple new books! She purchased the first picture book for our future child:

 It is a great book. If you haven't read it, you need to go out and find a copy to read. I love the simple story about the parents being woken up in the middle of the night with a phone call saying the baby was being born, the mom screaming from excitement, calling the grandparents but they didn't answer because they sleep like logs, flying on a plane, meeting the baby, how the baby was sooooo perfect, flying back home, and beginning life. The illustrations are also adorable.
I think my favorite part was reading it to Sparky. I read about the parents getting the phone call, and calling grandparents, and getting on the plane, and it wasn't until the author describes how she couldn't grow a baby in her tummy so they found another lady who was too young to take care of a baby.. before Sparky understood this was an adoption book. Wow. I know he didn't pay much attention during Health class, but I thought he would know that most people don't go into labor to deliver a baby by getting a phone call and hopping on a plane.
His response: I thought it sounded a little different...
Oh, he is so cute and innocent.
She also got me:

One of my friends in college gave me the book The Power of a Praying Woman and it is a very good book. I thought this one would be worth a read also.

From there we headed off to... my next post!

Oops... I did it again!

I am not referring to anything Brittany would do. But I have let my blogging fall into some deep abyss. I have actually even made a little list of all the posts I need to make because I have fallen so behind. Once again, I will update with several small posts because I have a short attention span when reading other blogs and I like the little break between subjects. I am strange. That is okay.

Watch

Update

I feel much better now. Two good things happened.
1. I went to the book store with Sparky. I found the BEST book ever. Don't walk... RUN to your nearest book store to check out this beauty:

Just in case the awkward photo on the cover isn't good enough how about these?

Can anyone explain this huge sofa, and why no one wants to sit on it?

Besides the fact that my sister has a photo nearly IDENTICAL to this one, I love that the crotch of her panty hose is sticking out.
Do you need a good laugh right now? Head over to Awkward Family Photos. Look for my family in the matching dresses and my dad in the matching tie.

 2. A wonderful stranger from The Bump Adoption board was able to send me the fee schedule for one of the agencies I was leaning towards. After hearing the fee schedule for Adoption Network Law Center... anything sounds great!
She sent me the fee schedule for Adoption Support Center out of Indianapolis. MUCH better.
I called them and they are not willing to work with us until we have been married a year. Not bad. I was afraid they would require something like 5 years. That would be horrible.
So, my new idea is to wait until January 1st (oh who am I kidding, I will probably call them December 22) to sign with them. They say they have an average wait time of 9-10 months. That would give us about a year from now before being matched, to save money. Even if we do a horrible job of saving, I am not too concerned.
The total fees added up to about $18,000. After the adoption tax credit of $13,000 it only leaves us $5,000. Well, I happen to be finishing my master's degree right now which will increase my salary buy guess how much... you guessed it! $5,000. Clearly, this is the choice we are supposed to make.

I don't know...

I don't know if I can wait. Logically, waiting another year before signing with an agency makes perfect sense. We would be able to save money and not get as big of a loan. But my heart is pulling me so strongly it feels like it will burst out of my chest. I can't wait another year. I have been waiting forever. I waited to find someone good enough to marry. He made me wait a year while engaged before we got married. I waited 6 months before telling my Dr. something more than endometriosis was wrong with me. I am tired of waiting.
I know my wait pales in comparison to some other people's waits, but it is still horrible. Right now I don't really care if I get into debt and have a loan to pay for the rest of my life if I could have a baby. I don't know what to do. Waiting sucks.

Revelations

Sparky was up at his parents' house for the last week painting the outside of their house. He didn't think it was a good idea to have his parents up on a two story ladder trying to paint in the heat. I agreed.
I had a lot of trouble sleeping while he was gone. I think it is because I was doing extra research while he was gone. Because Sparky was not there to distract me, I sat for hours on the computer and with books looking up adoption information. I was overwhelmed by the financial aspect.
It costs an average of $25,000 to do a domestic infant adoption (cost varies greatly depending on the agency). Please remember, the fee is NOT to pay for the baby it is to cover advertising to find birth parents, salary of the staff members of the agency, advertising Sparky and I to appeal to a birth mom, legal fees, paper work processing, etc.
If Sparky and I were to find a birth mom on our own, we would only have to pay for a home study and for the legal work, about $3,000 total.

When Sparky and I looked at what we make and how we could pay for an agency, we quickly saw that with the help of the adoption tax credit we could pay for an adoption in a year. What we did not think about were all of the extra expenses.

I plan on using cloth diapers, so the only extra expense there will be energy to run the washer/dryer, detergent, and water.
For a while I was under the delusion that my mom would provide free child care because she lives about two blocks away, and we had always talked about it. Apparently that isn't in the plan. I completely understand from her perspective, because who wants to finally retire just to get tied down to the responsibility of providing child care? Not me. Not her either. But from my perspective it sucks.
We are fortunate that Sparky works in a building that has child care available for newborns up to age five. It costs about $120 a week for infants. We are hoping that they will give us a discount since he works in the building, but I am doubtful.
So that adds an additional $480 fee to each month that I was not planning on.
We also will need to buy formula because I do NOT react well to hormones. Part of our decision to adopt is because we don't want to make my body do what it clearly was not designed to do (carry a baby). Obviously, I am not designed to create milk either so that will be on average $105 a month for formula. Yuck.

I do not want to have to worry about paying back a loan at the same time as creating additional funds for new baby expenses. Don't get me wrong, I think we could do it, but it would be easier not to take out a loan for the adoption. Or at least not for the entire thing.

Our tentative plan... since it changes about every week... is to do our own marketing for the next year by word of mouth while we save money for the expenses of an agency. We hope to save up $20,000 or more so we are not worried about money when we finally get a baby. With the agency we like there is only a 2.5 month waiting list anyway, so it shouldn't be too bad. (At least that is what I keep telling myself.)

So now we wait. And save.

I've Been Busy

***Edited in Pink for accuracy***

I have gone full speed ahead on creating the nursery. I painted the top 2/3 of the room white, the bottom 1/3 green and then painted a 3" thick brown stripe where the two colors meet. Then I repainted all of the trim because it was gross. I painted the tree from a post below on the wall instead of paying for a vinyl cutout (I am thrifty) and I painted part of a monogram on another wall. I only know my future child's last name (duh) so I only have an "S" in the frames. I am eagerly waiting to add the other two letters.
I used my grandma's old opaque projection machine known as a "magic lantern." I printed the tree and the letter S from the computer and just stuck the piece of paper under the contraption. It then projected the image on the wall. Much handier than an overhead projector, which requires plastic sheets, and not as cool as a modern projector from the computer, which requires lots of money to buy.
I traced the pictures onto the wall with pencil, then filled it in with brown paint. Because of the pencil, as I panted the wall got smudgy. So painted one coat of the brown. The first coat didn't look good. So I added another coat. Most of the tree looked good with two coats, but some areas needed yet another coat of paint. THEN I had to go back with white paint to cover up the pencil smudges. It was very tedious, but I think it turned out great.
I am not adding any pictures yet because I want it all done first.
My mom and sister took me shopping today in Indy and my mom bought a crib and mattress for me/future baby and I bought a dresser that doubles as a changing table. My wonderful parents drove the furniture to my house, carried it upstairs for me, and assembled it.
Now I am just waiting for the crib skirt... and the corner looks a little bare.

So while thinking about all of this adoption stuff my mind instantly went to school. Naturally. And I thought about the most common thing students are asked to do in school. Make a family tree. Now, I generally ask for this because I am nosy and I want to know about all of the kid's home lives. I want to know if they live with their parents, and if their parents are divorced, or if they have 16 brothers and sisters. (Making a family tree actually covers several Indiana Academic Standards, I don't do things purely for entertainment value...often.) But in upper elementary, middle school, and high school we were asked to make family trees to learn more about our heritage. This made me wonder what my future child will fill in. Will s/he fill in Sparky and me on his/her tree? Will s/he want to write his/her birthmother and biological father?
My sister assured me that worrying about filling in a family tree was not something to stress over at this point since I do not have a child, have not signed with an agency, or had the home study. But she was sure a book or the internet could help solve the problem when the time comes. Not that I am stressing, I just want to know.

Well, today, I found the answer. Here. The answer for primary grades is easy. The child will fill in my name and Sparky's name. We will be his/her parents. The suppliers of love, routine, discipline, food, water, shelter, etc.

In the second half of the article the author has supplied the Adoptive Family Tree.

The author says, "The first family gives the child roots, while the child's adoptive family forms the branches and new growth." I like it. I feel better now. Problem solved.

I will get back to you with pictures of the finished nursery. It should be done very soon. :o)