Monday, November 21, 2011


I'm baaaaak! (pretend that sounds like I am rising from the dead)
After a loooooooooooong break I have decided to resume my blogging posts. Not that I was doing a very good job before the prolonged break. Oh well.

The baby mentioned in a previous post has since arrived and is very cute. He loves me. Of course.
Perhaps I will take up the blog challenge again to get myself back into the groove of leaving posts, but it is highly unlikely that I will actually remember to do that. :o)

So I wasn't posting because my mommy told me if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Also, I didn't have anything interesting going on.

Sparky and I spent all summer gutting and remodeling my grandpa's log house. We worked on it just about every day, then right when we were ready to move in... school started! So of course, we moved in the week school started. Why not?!
So now we are settled in with a new kitchen, downstairs bath, and a good-looking main level. We need to knock out a wall upstairs to create our master bedroom, and add a master bathroom to that space. Then the upstairs will also be complete.
In the basement we plan on painting the ceiling and floor, adding metal to the bottom 1/3 of the wall to make it industrial-chic (and durable against potential water damage). Then that level will also be complete. I would like to either add some walls or hang some curtains to divide the space  up into more practical areas.

Someday I may actually get around to posting before and after photos. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

So if you have actually stuck around for this looooooooooong break, and read this far I will reward you with some information...
Sparky and I have been chosen to be the adoptive parents of a little baby. :o) The prospective birth mom is due at the end of January but I am guessing she will go early. She delivered her first daughter 3 months early and she is under a lot of stress right now.  Sparky agrees with me that she is very certain of her decision. The only wild card is the baby's biological father, he is a bit hesitant. So if you pray, we could use some prayer for him to feel more comfortable with the choice of adoption for his baby.
I was told about this woman through a facebook message sent on November 9th. I got the message on the 10th and responded.
I tried to call the expectant mom on Saturday (12th) but she didn't answer so I left the world's most awkward message ever. And if you know me, you know I HATE leaving messages. Probably because I sound like an idiot.
My friend who told me about this woman originally called me during school on Tuesday the 15th to tell me she heard the woman defiantly wants to choose Sparky and I as the parents of her baby. So I called her on the phone again that evening to see if this was true (since I had never talked to her or anything).

She told me about her life and circumstances surrounding her decision to choose an adoption plan for her baby. She does not want to use an agency, she wants a Christian family, a couple that cannot have biological children, and she loves that we are both teachers so a baby would fit very easily into our lives.
When she found out she was pregnant she was on birth control and really did not want any more children. She prayed about having an abortion and felt God was really encouraging her to keep the pregnancy, but that didn't mean she needed to raise the baby. She believes everything happens for a reason and God has His hand in this.
She prayed about what to do about her child's future and was considering adoption. She had been told about a few other prospective couples but she still hadn't made up her mind. Then my friend told her about Sparky and I. She told me when she heard about us she knew we were the ones and her decision was final. She just knew. Without meeting us, seeing pictures, hearing our voices, or anything.
We met her on Friday, November 18th at her apartment. She is very sweet, ultra polite, and under a lot of stress right now. She is VERY sure of her decision and knows that adoption is the right choice for her family. I don't think the most convincing lawyer on the planet could convince her to change her mind right now.
She is still very realistic about how hard it is going to be. When discussing openness she said she would need a minimum of 5-6 years before she could ever do a visit in person because she will need at least that much time for the healing to begin. She is a VERY strong woman and I have a lot of confidence in her.
Anyway, we meet with an attorney on Wednesday (two days!) to discuss the legal part of this process and see what happens next. 
If she delivers early, we could have a baby any day!

PS she thinks it is a boy :o)

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

Day 6  A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
This one is fun!! I actually have two animals I would love to have as pets. I will start with the impossible one first...
Have you seen the Direct TV commercial with the little giraffe? 
Here is the important part:

I want it.
That little giraffe is so flipping cute. I love how it reaches up its little head upon that looooooooong little neck and gives him a little giraffe kiss. 
Here is another on featuring my fictional future pet, he is in the lower left-hand corner on the treadmill:

However, mini giraffes aren't real so I should probably pick an animal that could actually be a pet.
That is where the chimpanzee comes in.
 As a child I thought chimpanzees were adorable. I recall telling my mom that if I couldn't have kids (irony?) I would just get a chimpanzee and dress him in overalls. He could be my kid.
I think I was inspired by a few movies I watched growing up (although neither of these apes are chimpanzees...):
Or a few celebrities with their monkeys:
Or just because this is ridiculously adorable:
But there is that whole "poo flinging" thing that I am not very fond of that is getting in the way of adding a primate to our family. Maybe over time.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.

Day 5  A photo of yourself two years ago.
Ha! This one is really easy. Two years ago Sparky and I were taking engagement pictures with my sister. :o) 
Here we go: 

I am the one on the right ;o)

Monday, May 23, 2011

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Day 4  Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
We have a rule in my classroom... we don't have best friends. We are all friends with each other, but we don't rank our friendships. All that results in are hurt feelings, quivering lips, and crocodile tears. 
So today, I have chosen my puppies as my best friends--considering that dogs are man's best friend. I figure I can't do any wrong that way. (I considered making categories such as "best childhood friend," "best work friend," "best weekend friend" but that seemed like way too much work.)
So without further ado:

Amelia and Animal all wrapped up in their little blankets and their little hospital hats for their adoption announcement. You can see their adorable little faces here and can clearly see how Sparky and I fell in love with them so quickly. 
Just because they are so cute, here are a few more:
These pictures remind me that the dogs really need to get their hair cut...

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Day 3

Day 3  Your idea of the perfect first date.
Hmmm.... Well, I can't think of a real perfect first date. I think every first date I have gone on has been with someone I am wanting to get to know better, therefore it is always filled with awkwardness. I am not a huge fan of first dates. 
That being said, I suppose the first date I had with Sparky was perfect because it resulted in our marriage (awww). 
So, I will share that. 
Sparky and I "met" on eHarmony. I was the 200th person he was matched with, he was my 1st. He was just about to give up on the site when he found me. :o) Of course, he is afraid of the internet (hence his blog name being Sparky, obviously not his real name) so I knew him only as "M" who worked in academia and had no picture. I made him send me a picture before I would meet him because, lets face it, we live in a shallow world and I don't want to be with someone who looks like Quasimodo. 
Sparky sent me a photo of him working on something at school. It showed only the top of his head and his back. I told him that from the picture, basically all I could tell was that he didn't look like Quasimodo. Apparently, Sparky didn't know who Quasimodo was. He didn't get it. 
Since he passed that test, I decided to meet him in real life. 
I called my mom and sister and told them exactly what I was wearing, where I was going, my license plate number, and what time to expect another call from me before calling the police... just in case. ;o)
Sparky and I decided to meet at Starbucks because it is a nice public location. 
I got there first. I ordered myself a late. 
I was nervous and knocked it off my table onto the floor. Oops. Starbucks was kind and made me a new one while cleaning up my mess. 
Sparky arrived, windblown from riding in on his motorcycle. 
He ordered a white chocolate mocha (I only know that because it is the only thing he ever orders there). 
We talked for a while and agreed that neither of us was psycho and we could plan another date sometime. 
The end.

Day 2

Day 2  A photo of something you ate today.
So technically, today is day 3. But I thought about posting last night. The problem was I couldn't move. I spent all day yesterday tearing down ugly (sorry grandma and grandpa Smith) 70s wall paneling that grandpa had cut into an odd pattern that looks eerily similar to this symbol: { Just imagine the { turned sideways with the point going down. ::involuntary shudder:: 
Then, after tearing down the oddly-shaped paneling, I painted the rest of the paneling. (Back in 2008 I decided to paint my current townhouse with a blond-colored paint to make the trim pop more. I figured I had a lot of area to cover so I should just get a 5 gallon bucket instead of making multiple trips back for a gallon at a time. Needless to say, my townhouse isn't that big and I CANNOT get rid of the blond paint. I used it to paint EVERYTHING in sight yesterday and I still have a bunch left...)
I painted the doors, walls, part of the bathroom, living room, and wall-o-bookshelves. I can hardly move today. Last night I was too exhausted to type so I gave myself permission to wait until today to update my daily challenge. :o)

So yesterday I ate...
Peanut butter toast with coffee for breakfast.
A 6" ham on honey oat with provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, oil, vinegar, and oregano from SubWay
with a side of baked barbecue Lays and a root beer.

For dinner, Sparky and I went out to eat a Bucceto's Smiling Teeth at about 10:00pm.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Day 1

Day 1  A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
I think this is the most recent photo I have of myself. It was taken in January 2011 in Sonoma, Arizona. I am the one on the left. ;oP
I would have taken a picture of myself today... but I would rather not. I was just picking at my face so now I look like a pubescent teenager. 

My day: Actually, considering I have a classroom full of kindergarteners who want nothing more than for school to be over my day went well. We took an impromptu nature walk in the morning. We discovered the ground is not completely dry along the way. I lost my flip flops in a mud puddle that had the strength of gorilla glue. All went well though, no kids fell into the mud or into the pond we went to visit. Miracle.  We found lots and lots of worms, some really ugly bugs that apparently will grow up to become dragonflies, and some small crayfish (aka crawfish, crawdads). Here is a secret: I don't like the ugly dragonflies or the mean crawdads, the worms are okay though. 
After lunch my cherubs did not have to participate in many purely academic activities (thank God) so we ended on a high note. Of course, my jeans are covered in dried mud... oh well. 

30 Day Blog Challenge

I have decided I need to give the "blogging everyday" thing another try. It wasn't really fair of google to delete by blog as soon as I attempted this last time, so I blame them. If my blog hadn't been temporarily deleted I might have kept up with it. ;o)
Anyway, in an effort to make this even easier for me than it already is... I have found a 30 day challenge where I just have to answer a question each day. The idea is to get me into the habit of actually logging onto the website and posting something for 30 days in a row. After all, we all know it takes something like 30 days to develop a new habit. Unfortunately, it only takes a few days to delete the habit if it is a good one.
So here is my second attempt. I have also decided to make today Day 1. I am all about killing 2 birds with one stone. However, I will, at least, make Day 1 in a new post.

Day 1  A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 2  A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3  Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 4  Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5  A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6  A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7  Your dream wedding.
Day 8  A song to match your mood.
Day 9  A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10  A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Day 11  What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Busy Busy Weekend

Before I begin with my tales about this weekend I need to back up and tell about Tuesday... well, I guess the story starts on Monday.

Monday, after school, I decided to go to Lowe's and buy one of the tiles Sparky and I have selected to be the floor in the kitchen, hall, and bathroom downstairs at the log house. I drove over to the log house, popped one of the linoleum tiles off the floor and put my ceramic tile in its place. Pretty.
It looked good. But while I was at Lowe's I noticed that the tiles Sparky and I liked were marked down. This means they might be marked back up if I don't get them soon!
Since it took eternity for Sparky and I to agree on a tile we liked and actually find it in real life I decided I needed to go to Lowe's the next day after school to buy all the tile we needed before it went off sale.
(I don't know if tile even goes "off sale" it might just get marked down forever until it is sold. But I don't know, and don't want to to take a chance.)
So Tuesday after school I headed back to Lowe's in my trusty car Blanche. She is a mercury sable. Not anything rugged. I talked with Sparky about being able to pick up the tile we needed with Blanch verses going to the log house and getting Sparky's cargo van to do the job.
Here was Sparky's logic: What could a tile weigh? About a pound each? Well, we were getting 300 tiles. This would be able 300 pounds. That would be like having two passengers in the car who each weigh 150lbs.
Sounded good to me!
So I go to Lowe's after an exhausting day at school. I find the tiles we love. I find a cart (easier said than done). I divide out how many boxes of tile I need using my handy phone calculator... I need 300 tiles.... there are 18 tiles in a box... so I need 16.66666667 boxes of tile. Well, I'm no dummy, I know I can't tile a floor with .66666 of a box of tile, so I need to round up. And, knowing me, I will probably break a few tiles along the way anyway so I need extras.
I pick up one box of tiles.
Holy Cow.
These boxes are HEAVY!
I don't want to look like the weenie that I am, so I huff and puff and get three more boxes in my cart. At this point I am wheezing, coughing, and sweating. I still need 13 more boxes and I am about to pass out. Not to mention my cart is full.
I noticed there were two men sitting under the large sign that says TILE chatting up a storm having a gay old time. I decided since I am paying for this product they should get it off the shelf for me. So I wheeled my cart over to them and asked them to please help me because the boxes are heavier than hell.
One guy looks at me and says, "You need a bigger cart." and he leaves. The other guy says, "was your installer in here earlier today?"
I responded with, "I am my installer."
Apparently another couple was looking at getting this same tile. They sent their "installer" to check out the tile earlier that day. They planned on coming back to get it on Monday. Well, you snooze you loose!
The man said, "Well I guess I'd better start calling other stores to track down more of that tile for those other people."
Um... ok. I guess you could do that. Or you could help me load up the tile I am here to get.
Finally the other guy came back with a flat cart for me. He quickly stacked 17 boxes of tiles on the cart. Then he said, "Now, your next problem is going to be getting the cart up to the checkout isle. I will get it moving for you, just don't let it stop moving." He shoved with all his manly might and got the cart rolling.
Well, guess what folks! I was not dressed for Olympic cart pushing! I just finished teaching kindergarten all day. I was wearing capri pants and a pair of cute J Crew flip flops. While J Crew flip flops are adorable and come in ever color/pattern imaginable they do not provide any traction on a polished concrete floor.
I looked like an extinct Dodo bird trying to get the cart to keep rolling, pushing with all my might, while my feet slid out from under me time and time again.
I finally passed a couple in the paint isle and while apologizing for not being able to control the direction of my cart they noticed the ridiculous position I was in. The man and the woman each grabbed a side of the cart and they pushed it all the way to the check out isle for me. Saints.
Fortunately, they took my stuff to the checkout isle with the old man. He could sympathize with my plight. He called for some people to help me get the tile to my car. I went and backed my car up to the door while they gathered around.
The guys started putting the tile in my car. I was happy it all fit.
One man commented that it was pretty low, so take it slow over speed bumps.
I got in my car and started driving. Um....
My car was sitting on the tires. The tiles were so heavy my tires were rubbing against the wheel well.
I called Sparky and he came to my rescue with a friend and his pickup truck.

Fast Forward to this weekend:
After school Friday I decided to go to the log house and start putting together the kitchen cabinets. Before I install the tile I need to have the kitchen cabinets together so I know where exactly the plumbing needs to be moved to, but before I install the kitchen cabinets I need to lay the tile. It's a catch 22.
I got two cabinets put together and then I stopped to put together two chairs.
Saturday we went back over with my mom and dad.
Sparky and my dad dug trenches to lay pipe to divert the water from the gutter downspouts away from the foundation of the house. This will keep water from leaking in around the foundation.
My mom and I went to the Habitat for Humanity ReStore to look for some cool doors and to see if they had a better bathroom vanity than the one that is currently in the log house.
No luck on a vanity, or the cool doors. But I hit the jackpot in sconces. I found a ton of brushed nickel wall sconces for $10 each, on sale for 25% off! I needed four sconces for some odd lighting on the first level of the log house.
Then, while walking around the "showroom" we found the treasure. A sofa. A brand new(looking) beautiful green sofa with a tall back and fluffy arms. $250. That's all. Brand new. I bought it before the store could change the price. The tag said it was donated to the ReStore the day before. Sweet.
We picked it up along with the four sconces and delivered them to the log house.
We then took our dining room table to the log house along with Sparky's HUGE speakers and some random furniture that was making my townhouse look clutter-y. We replaced our normal dining room table with an oak one of my mom's. Our current house looks much more spacious now!
We also found four old water/emergency barrels full of "stuff" and other junk half hidden behind some pine trees on the property. We are guessing people bought this stuff when we had an auction and couldn't fit it into their car so they hid it to get later. Later they either forgot about it or decided it wasn't worth another trip back. They were heavy and full of junk we didn't want in the first place (hence it was in the auction).

Sunday Sparky slept in while I caught up on my DVRed Royal Wedding. I called my mom to see if she remembered the name of the sofa I just bought for a steal...she looked at the sofa and read the label.
Wait. The sofa was at the log house. How did she read it? My dad and mom apparently went back today to work some more! They took down some wall paneling and a wall so they could see the plumbing better. All while Sparky slept and I pretended to be British. Aren't they nice?
Now I have to decide what to do about the downstairs bathroom. Should I make it wheelchair accessible by taking out an adjacent closet, or not worry about it? Sparky wants to replace the shower stall. Should we just remove the shower and put in a different one in the basement and make this bathroom into a half bath since there aren't any bedrooms on this floor anyway? Or put in a new shower in case someone makes a bedroom on the first floor? I don't know.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My blog!

I lost my blog today! My mom called and asked if I was working on my blog or something because the website wouldn't open for her. I was on my way home from school, so when I got home I tried typing in the url. Nothing! Only the blogger page telling me that this blog has been deleted.
Oh no.
Big problem. I have all my pictures on here! My entire journey through the beginning of the adoption process. Gone. (Lesson learned, I need to save my photos somewhere else safe online... any suggestions?)
I was racking my brain trying to figure out what I did to make blogger mad at me and delete my entire blog. I even read all of the fine print on the user agreement. ;o) I didn't break any rules. I am not really sure what happened.
I sent blogger an email and now the site is working again. ::sigh of relif::
I am very happy to not lose all of my information. But after freaking out all evening, I am too tired to write anything else right now. I still have photos of the wood floor to share. Oh, and the kids in my class told me today that I looked pretty. I want to remember that one (especially after last Wednesday when they told me I didn't look pretty).

Monday, April 11, 2011

Day two of posting every day...

I promise I won't title every day with a count of how long I have actually posted consecutively. Although, with my track record, it wouldn't last long anyway! I am just kidding. If I make my mind up to do it, I can post daily.

Today Sparky and I went out to the "new" house to check out the floor. My grandpa installed solid Bruce hardwood floors when he built the house. Apparently this was the best around at the time. Top dollar.(Which, if you knew my grandpa, is hard to believe. He was a young adult during the Great Depression.) However, this floor was impregnated with wax with the idea that all you had to do was re-wax it and buff it each year to get a nice shine. Well, I don't recall grandpa ever using a buffer. That, combined with the previous renter's cat peeing outside of the literbox, and the floor doesn't look so great.
My parents found someone that has gone out and sanded a couple of areas of the floor. He then used a water based sealant and a polyurethane based sealant (I think). Because the floor was impregnated with wax, it makes it difficult to sand down and refinish. Most sealants don't want to adhere to the waxy wood.
The guy did two test spots in the living room and two in the dining area. Both test spots look good. I keep going back and forth between the two options. One is very light and the other is a more rich color.
The light color would really open up the space, which is dark, since it is wrapped in aged logs and has a low ceiling. The rich color is just so much prettier!
I took pictures, but I will wait until tomorrow to post them in case nothing interesting happens tomorrow. :o)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

New Decisions

I have decided that I need to get back into the groove of posting on this blog. In order to facilitate that, I will be posting something every day. This may get ridiculously boring, as I don't have that much to say!

Fortunately for you few who actually stuck around my latest dry spell, Sparky and I are buying a new house! Well... new to us. So that should provide some "meat" for the blog in the absence of any adoption news.

Just to catch everyone up I will divide the next part into two sections. 1) Adoption info 2) House stuff.

1) Adoption Information:
Since I have been a little glum lately, partly because the family member mentioned before had a party to anounce the gender of her baby, (I will never be able to do that. Also, everyone there naturally began reminicing about thier pregnancies and babies. Every woman present was talking about when she found out the genders of her babies, how the sonograms went, delivery, etc. Just another reminder that not only will I never be able to have a party to anounce gener [if I wanted] I will also never be able to participate in those conversations. They are sure to come up at every baby shower or baby event for the rest of my life. I will just be that woman in the corner with no story.) I decided to call my agency to see how things are going.
They told us from the get go that we can call, preferrably no more often than once a month, to ask how many women have our profile (if any). I also know that they will only be able to tell me the current number of women that have our profile, not the number they have sent out total. The woman I talked to told me that one potential birthmom currently has our profile. She isn't due until fall, so it would be quite a wait still.
This is encouraging, although I have no idea how many other people's profiles she has. She could have a stack of 40 families to choose from.

2) House Stuff:
My grandpa built a log house in 1980ish. All. By. Himself. He didn't want any help. He did everything from laying each cinderblock in the basement, to puting on the roof, and everything in between. He was a tool and die maker, very organized, and a left brain thinker. All the pipes in the basement have a small manilla tag on them telling whomever it may concern where the pipe goes and what flows through it. My mom took off the faceplate for one of the light switches and inside he had tucked a diagram of where the wiring for the electricity went. He also made maps of the property and labeled every tree on the premesis.
Someone else in my family was going to buy this house, but changed their mind due to work.
This property really will be perfect for Sparky and I. It has much more room than our current townhouse and 5 acres of land to expand on!
My grandpa had the basement full of his metal tools, and now Sparky can fill it with his own! Or Sparky may claim the garage space. What is very convenient is that Grandpa wired the house with special 220 volt sockets for Sparky's welder (well, he wired it for his own welder, but Sparky's can now plug into it).
The house needs some renovations.
First of all, it barely has a kitchen to speak of. The "kitchen" is on one 10 foot wall with a fridge and a sink. No oven. No stove. My grandpa and grandma didn't cook so they had no need for an oven or stove. They just got a hotplate in case they wanted to make eggs or something.
To make a kitchen possible, my mom and dad knocked out a wall for me while I was at school Friday. I have measured and remeasured and remeasured everything and designed a new kitchen on Ikea's kitchen builder program. I like it a lot. :o)
The house also has the lack of a formal master suite. We are going to knock down a wall upstais between two bedrooms to make one large room. In this room we are going to add a bathroom.
This will leave a large closet (I mean really large), two bedrooms, and another small bathroom upstairs.
On the main floor we took out a wall that created a little laundry room/entry hallway between the front door and a storm door (to keep the heat from escaping the house). This really opened up the laundry and kitchen and feels so much larger. This room opens into a dining area and a small couch area. Down the hall is a full bathroom, a bedroom (becoming my craft room), a very large living room, and a fully enclosed porch.
The nice thing is we will be able to instal the new kitchen, renovate the downstairs bathroom, knock down the wall upstairs, and add the master bathroom before we move in!
Now, I just need to put my current house on the market. Anyone want to buy it?

Repost from February

Since everyone who reads this blog already knows, someone in my family is pregnant.


While I am genuinely happy for her, I am having a hard time being really happy for her all the time.

My purpose here is not to hurt anyone's feelings.

I started this blog to journal my thoughts in life. This is part of my life.

I realize, logically, that this person has every right to live her life as she sees fit. She does not need to consult me with any of her decisions and she can do what she wants. But going through infertility and moving on to adoption does not make me think rationally or logically.

I recognize and fully accept that I am illogical and a bit crazy here.

I think what hurts the most is she has been telling me for the last 6+ months that she doesn't want to have kids while in graduate school. Having a baby and studying for the exams would be ridiculous.

So when she told me, I was completely blind-sided. I think it would have been different if she had been honest with me and told me she wanted kids now.

I understand this is a personal decision and people don't like to share that information. But even saying nothing, or "we'll see when it happens" would have been better than telling me she was waiting. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20.

Really, if it were up to me, she would have waited until I had a match. Or even had the adoption final.

Obviously, it isn't up to me. And that is a selfish thought.

I feel like she is stealing my paper pregnancy. This was my time to have everyone excited for me and the baby we are getting. Now everyone is focused on her. No one is going to think about my adoption when her big belly walks in the door with a visible reminder of her coming baby.

Unless I wear a beach ball under my shirt. Which I may do.

I know my adoption time-line is full of averages. We are currently waiting 3-5 more weeks to get our typed homestudy in the mail so we can sign it and be officially waiting.

Once we are officially waiting, the average wait time is 9 to 10 months.

This is where everyone says, "Oh that's not long! That is like a regular pregnancy!"

Please don't tell me that. I have already been in this process since last July. Before that we were trying the "normal" way. So really, our journey to a baby began December 2009; our adoption journey began July 2010.

It is NOT like a pregnancy. I don't have any baby in my stomach with me during that time. I have nothing. (physically)

I began this process [adoption] last July. I have already been waiting 7 months. I should be "due" April. Nice teacher timing. Just in time for a maternity leave and summer break.

I know average means some people wait a shorter amount of time and some people wait a shorter amount of time. I could be matched and have a baby the day we go active... theoretically.

I am not being pessimistic. I know eventually we will have a baby. I have been preparing myself to wait at least 9-10 months before getting antsy because I know it is a reality in our situation.
It is possible, but not probable.

Again, I am just being realistic. (It would be much more detrimental to my mental well being if I were to start expecting an immediate match when we go active and then end up having a year long wait.)

I am really happy for her. I am happy she does not have to go through the horrific, soul-ripping, Satan-fueled existence that goes along with infertility.

I pray her baby is healthy and she has a smooth pregnancy.

I know that our babies will eventually get to play together and hopefully they will grow up being close.

I see this as God's way of teaching me to rely fully on Him.

I was doing a really good job not being too affected by friends and their pregnancies. The initial "punched in the gut" feeling would eventually fade away and I could feel joy for them. Pregnant people passing me really weren't too bad, and I was starting to think of the positives of not being pregnant myself.

No stretch marks, morning sickness, hemorrhoids, no ripping from one end to the other, no loss of bladder control, no extra fat to lose (just my current amount).

This has taken me 10 steps back.

My week started with a baby shower on Sunday. It ended up not happening because the soon-to-be-mother has the flu, but the decorations were out and the place was ready. Instead, my family member announced her pregnancy to family friends. Then there was another baby shower as soon as I walked into school Tuesday. Followed by my bible study with a very pregnant woman.

I think I had gotten to the point where none of this would have bothered me too much (minus the family member). Now it all sucks.

I just want to go to bed. And stay there. For nine months.

But from this I have learned some lessons:

I should not question God who is greater than I can fathom.

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,

or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?

Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,

or weighed the mountains on the scales

and the hills in a balance?

13 Who can fathom the Spirit of the LORD,

or instruct the LORD as his counselor?

14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,

and who taught him the right way?

Who was it that taught him knowledge,

or showed him the path of understanding? (Isaiah 40:12-14)

I have been making a baby my idol. I have spent far more of my mind, emotions, and time on thinking about our baby than I have been dedicating to God.

With whom, then, will you compare God?

To what image will you liken him? (Isaiah 40:18)

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. (Romans 1:20)

I have no more excuses. I need a shift in my thinking. It is going to be a lot harder to do than to say. Your mind is a hard thing to control.

But I know God is cares about me and will help me through this:

Why do you complain, Jacob [Sarah]?

Why do you say, Israel [Sarah],

“My way is hidden from the LORD;

my cause is disregarded by my God”?

28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength. (Isaiah 40:27-31a) {bold and name changes made by me}

I need to stop thinking of infertility as punishment by God. I didn't do anything to deserve the blessings I have received. It is only by God's grace that I have what I have.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.(Hebrews 11:1)

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

And I will leave you with a link for perspective.

The Julie Project Begin where the link takes you and read all the way to the present.

My life is wonderful compared with what I could be experiencing. I have a great, understanding husband. I have fabulous and supportive family and friends.

Ignoring my poor blog

I have been ingoring this place for a while. Since someone in my family got pregnant I have been fearful for posting anything at all. I don't want to rock the boat.
This has had disasterly results in my real life. Apparently I need to vent and if I don't get to do it here, then my emotions are right there on my sleeve.
Now that everyone on facebook knows the news... I can repost my deleted post from a while back. With some modifications. I am going to delete any identifying infomration to lead you to figure out who it is that is pregnant other than a family member. Considering I come from a Catholic family, that could be one of many people!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Spring Break

Now that we have been home for two weeks, I think it is probably about time I posted about Spring Break!
Sparky and I were fortunate enough to get to go to Arizona again to see his parents. It was a really nice and relaxing trip.
Sparky and I went to see two motorcycle shops. The first one was Jim Nassi's shop. We saw two of his current project bikes. I only liked one of them. So I didn't take pictures of the other one. ;o) "We" (meaning Sparky) has several tapes (yes tapes, not DVDs) with Jim Nassi and his motorcycles.
We also went to Paul Yaffe's shop. I didn't take any pictures there because I didn't want to look like a complete tool. If you want to know what it looks like, google "Paul Yaffe" He is pretty much a big deal. He used to be on Biker Build Off (2002-2007). Sparky LOVES this show. I think he has every episode memorized.

While in AZ we also went to Sedona. It was pretty far away so when we saw a sign on our way there to Montezuma's Castle we were more than willing to make a stop.


Church of the Holy Cross, built into the red rocks.

Pretty, huh?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Ice Storm

I am pretty sure we are going to be going to school this year all the way until it is time for school to start again. We had so many snow/ice days it was ridiculous.
During one ice storm the ice was so heavy it practically distroyed my arborvitae trees.
They don't normally bow down like this.
Look how much ice collected on our little table, it looks like icing:

House Stuff

Before we went to Arizona, we needed some pictures of the outside of our house. Well folks, it is the middle of winter. In Indiana. It is grey, dreary, and ugly outside.
My mom came to the rescue with some outdoor Christmas decorations and went to work.
Much better. Considering what she had to work with! Unfortunatly, the outside of our house is very ugly. It looks better in the summer when the flowers are blooming, but only slightly better.

While the house was scrubbed super clean for the home study I though I should take some pictures of the inside of our house. I haven't taken pictures since I bought it. I have changed every room. Inclding the kichen.
Right inside the front door, looking toward the garage door:
Right inside the front door, looking toward the kitchen:
Looking to the right, the dining room--complete with Animal and Sparky eating a cupcake.
Looking into the kitchen/laundry room/and half bath. We squeeze a lot into a small space. :o)
Standing in the dining room looking toward the window. The front door is on the left by the linoleum.
Look closer at that light fixture. I made it! I will post about how I made it if anyone shows any interest.
At the garage door looking toward the front door/dining room. As you can see, our house is huge. We practically lose each other on the main level. Ha!
Upstairs bathroom
Master bedroom
I made our bedding and window treatments as well. Easy peasy.

The only other room in the house is the nursery and I have shown that before.
Hope you enjoyed the tour!