Sunday, December 27, 2009

Believing God

I just finished reading a chapter in Believing God by Beth Moore called "Believing God for His Best." This chapter really made me think about all the things I ask God to do and have asked for in the past. It made me think of the events and suffering in my life with a new perspective. I now understand that God has a bigger plan than I can ever imagine in my puney little human brain. All people on earth experience suffering and just because God does not answer my specific request immediately does not mean that He doesn't like me, that I am not faithful enough, etc.
When I was 13 I was raped. This had huge repercussions on my life. I had/have depression, which I think allowed me to get myself into the situation to begin with. But because of the rape I also got post traumatic stress disorder  (PTSD). At the time, I didn't think I was worthy of God. I didn't think my life mattered to Him anymore because I was ruined and broken. (Now I know that broken people are His favorite to work miracles in)
Because I finally told my family about the rape I was able to get treatment for PTSD. I took a semester off of school to get treatment because the obligations I had for my sorority, going to classes, and therapy were too much for me to handle at the time. It turned out that God had a bigger plan.
The semester I took off, happened to be the last "semester" my mom's best friend had to live. Barb was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer on my mom's birthday, March 3, 2004. That summer we all hung out as much as possible, living life. She died May 5, 2005 (5-5-05).
I went back to Purdue for a semester and it felt like everything was crashing down on me. My family decided it would be best for me to take the next semester off. While I saw therapists who helped me get over my PTSD, I was able to spend time with Barb in her final days here on earth. This is not something I would trade. I had a horrible time with Barb's death. She was like a mom to me growing up. And I can't write anymore about that.

Another way God is amazing is how he orchestrated getting Sparky and I together. Sparky and I teach in the same school corporation, but never met. We attended (and still do) the same church, but never met. We ate at the same restaurants and haunted the same book store, but we never met. Or if we did, we blew each other off. Neither of us are the type of person to go introduce ourselves to strangers just for fun. Also, if Sparky had approached me at any of those places I probably would have thought he was being creepy. Who walks up to a stranger at a book store to strike up a conversation? I don't.
Sparky's friend Crazy Steve convinced him to join e harmony. Steve must have been very persistent because I honestly cannot imagine Sparky agreeing to it or sitting down and creating an account. But he did. He met several people, and they were freaks.
At the time I was teaching kindergarten. My class was forced to use the big kid playground for morning recess because the Queen of Kindergarten made the recess schedule and couldn't find a place for my class that would work. So I took my class out to the large playground. By myself. My kids were playing and one of them fell off the monkey bars. I saw him fall in slow motion to the ground and his bone popped out of his arm. It was disgusting. I didn't have the school's phone number in my cell phone at the time. I marched my class inside, all the way through the school building, to finally deposit my child at the nurse with his broken arm. After that Katie said my class could join hers on the appropriate playground (God?). While we were out there Katie and I became friends and she told me all about her sister who was getting married to a man she met on e harmony. She told me that she also had a cousin who met her husband on e harmony. She convinced me to join.
Sparky was my first match. I was his 200th. He was just about to end his account, but hadn't yet (hmm... I wonder why). Anyway, I think we are a perfect match. He balances me. He has gotten me to calm down and not be so high strung. When I do have my freak out moments, he patiently rides out the storm and refuses to engage in my crazy talk (It is really hard to fight with someone who won't argue back). He is very handy around the house and can fix nearly anything. He likes to snuggle which, as my sister can attest, I need (my sister does not want me to touch her, ever).
Hmm... I wonder what miracle He will perform next in my life.


Anonymous said...

She died on May, 5, 2005 (05-05-05) One year, two months and two days from being diagnosed.
I agree - Sparky calms you down and that God has his plan for you. Be patient...

Lauren said...

I can attest to your need to cuddle as well... I could always count on you for a hug! :)