So I think of me. Because I am selfish like that. God has put the desire of children in my heart and nothing I can do will change that. I think because I was diagnosed with endometriosis at the age of 19, that is where I see the beginning of my road with infertility. The doctor told me it would most likely be very difficult for me and I saw each passing period as one more lost opportunity. I endured surgery and treatments long before I was married. Even before I met, fell in love, and married Sparky. I don't think of this as 6 months of infertility... I see 6 years of struggling with this knowledge.
So until it finally happens for Sparky and I here is a little poem that perfectly sums up my thoughts right now:
There are women that become mothers without effort,
without thought, without patience or loss and though
they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be just as good a mother.
It will be not because of genetics,
or money or that I have read more books but because I have
struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain
their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and
discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for
the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night
to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort,
hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take
another temperature, pop another pill, take another
shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be
crying for me.
I count myself blessed in this sense; that God has given
me this insight, this special vision with which I will
look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a
child that God leads me to, I will not be careless
with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,
neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my
own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from
their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I cannot make it better,
I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of
another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that
moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and
when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion
that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.
~Author Unknown
without thought, without patience or loss and though
they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be just as good a mother.
It will be not because of genetics,
or money or that I have read more books but because I have
struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain
their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and
discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for
the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night
to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort,
hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take
another temperature, pop another pill, take another
shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be
crying for me.
I count myself blessed in this sense; that God has given
me this insight, this special vision with which I will
look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a
child that God leads me to, I will not be careless
with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,
neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my
own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from
their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I cannot make it better,
I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of
another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that
moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and
when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion
that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.
~Author Unknown
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